I had grand plans at the start of the year, a few weeks ago, and we’re not even at the end of January and I’m rethinking them.
I entered the South Downs Way 50 in the summer last year, and at the time I was really excited about it. And then came Bournemouth and the disappointment of that race and I hoped my leg would be ok to start training for SDW50, and worried that it wouldn’t be.
It took a while to get back up and running again, but gradually, by not trying to do too much too soon, the miles built up without any pain. Christmas came around and I was happy to be running again five times a week, and I turned my attention to training for SDW50.
I did the sessions, enjoyed the sessions but something wasn’t right. It wasn’t a physical problem, but something in my brain that felt reluctant. After a couple of weeks of training, I had a rainy 12 mile run by myself down the canal where it all became clear.
When I finally said it out loud to someone later that day it felt like a relief: I didn’t want to do the race any more.
The more I talked about it, the more reasons I came up with that running 50 miles in April wasn’t a good decision for me. I work as a running coach and PT now, which means running a few miles here and there throughout the week on top of training. This impacts my training and if I can’t run because my legs are tired from training, this affects my work. I know which one is more important right now.
Being injured and unable to run for two months wasn’t fun. And when I finally did get back to running again, I wanted to enjoy that without the pressures of a big race to prepare for. I wanted to run for the sake of running and not put any expectations on that.
And then there’s the expense: the travel to a race, the staying in a B&B the night before and the buying the mandatory kit items that I don’t have. I’d rather be spending my money on other things right now.
All of these were valid reasons to pull out, but they weren’t he main reason. I just wasn’t as excited to train for a 50-miler as I had been months before. And that’s a lot of running to do if you’re not motivated to do it. So I withdrew from the race giving the organisers a chance to offer the spot to someone else with enough time for them to get ready for it.
Since then I’ve still been running, still building up the miles and doing some structured training, but with less of the pressure than before. I’m training four days a week to allow me to get some good sessions in but keep my legs fairly fresh for running with my runners. There’s still Cambridge half marathon in my diary for the end of February and I’d like to put in a good effort for that. But mostly I’m just enjoying running and doing it on my terms.
Sometimes you have to be true to yourself and follow what your mind and body want; Training for a 50 miler sounds very tough. At least you’ll still be running in a way that you enjoy :).
Very refreshing to read, so honest. I agree that saying something out loud to someone is all it takes to confirm what you’ve been thinking for so long. Good luck with whatever comes next, I hope you find a race to sign up for that really excites you, so that training for it is something you really want to do, then it’s all easy and you’re doing it for the right reasons.
Hi Laura,
This really resonated with me. I have come back to running after 20 years of not doing more than running for the odd bus. I used to train and put huge pressure on myself to achieve goals. I would get anxious and stressed about them and then ended up not enjoying running at all. Then lots of stress fractures stopped me running completely. Now I run for the sheer enjoyment of it, much slower than before but with my eyes and ears absorbing everything around me. What a difference that has made! I still enter races, but with no real goal in mind. Just for the hell of it 🙂
Here here. One of the main reasons I like reading your posts is because you tell it like it is without any pretence. Thankyou.
this is the first post on your blog I read, and i love it!
I am currently in a position where many of my running friends plan their marathons, half-marathons etc., and i kind of feel like i should do that to. Physically, I’m finally in the shape that I could run longer (20k and more) races, but I don’t really want to do that. I want to train, get faster, increase the distance… but I don’t want the pressure of a date. I’m so comfortable with my training at the moment, I’m afraid I would lose what I like most about running if I would set a fixed goal like that. Ironic, because I’ve never done so much structured training as right now, with hills, fartlek, long runs… well, if I’m ready for the distance I’ll pick a small race near me and just sign up a few weeks in advance.
All that to say: I love your honest post! Doing it at your terms, as you said, is surely the right way to do it!
I’m so glad I read this. I have this constant battle in my head over why I don’t enter races when everyone around me thrives on it. I try to think of every sensible reason why I’m not following the pack and you have actually helped me realise its because I just don’t want to, nothing more. Sometimes we just have to run because we want to and that in itself can be our goal!