The last time I went swimming in open water was in a river in Cambodia. I learnt an important swimming lesson that day: keep your mouth shut. I spent the following day sat on a chair half way between my bed and a shared bathroom unsure which way to go.

Yesterday, as panic began to build about my forthcoming triathlon debut it was time to face my fears and head to some open water. Since my dip in Cambodia I’ve done something surprisingly sensible and learnt to swim properly. Apparently doggy paddle isn’t the experienced triathletes stroke of choice.

Despite my improved swimming skills, on sharing my concerns about just how badly my sprint tri is going to go with a friend, their response was: “You’ll probably be really rubbish at it. But at least it will be funny.” Funny for who though?Me and the same friend headed to the swimming ponds on Hampstead Heath yesterday where the chalk board said the water was a crisp 13C but my toes said

otherwise. I had a wetsuit, my companion did not – who’s laughing now?There were lots of people stood around the water daring each other to jump in, threatening to push each other in and dipping a foot in before staring at the water and each other some more. I wriggled into my wetsuit and felt like the only person at a party that’s turned up in fancy dress. I hadn’t got the last minute text that the Batman theme had been cancelled.

Turning up to swim in a wetsuit is rather like turning up to a bowling alley with your own ball or going ice skating with your own skates. It sets a certain level of expectation among those watching that you’re going to know what you’re doing. The pressure to get a strike or skate backwards was on as I headed towards the water when all I was trying to do was avoid a verruca or wart.


I put my feet in. It was cold. Swimmers wearing a small piece of lycra swam past. I had to get in. The initial coldness of the water on my feet didn’t go away like it does in the pool, the only way to warm them up was to get in and start moving.
I lowered my legs in, then my body and pushed away from the step. My body didn’t feel cold, the wetsuit kept me warm and, more importantly for this scared swimmer, made me float. I bobbed about in the water for a while wondering if I could get a cocktail and just float here all afternoon.
The lifeguard had asked that I keep to the back of the swimming area as I was in a wetsuit so I rolled onto my stomach ready to swim up there. I put my face into the water and gasped, trying to take in a lungfull of pond water. Breathing was proving difficult so I ambled my way through the water with my face up. It took another 10 minutes before I could put my face down and do something my swim coach might recognise – but then I couldn’t see where I was going and was swam in big curves.After 20 minutes I gave up and headed, in a zig-zag- fashion, back to the steps. I’m now confident that I won’t drown in a river in Cambridgeshire in two weeks’ time – my wetsuit will see to that. But I’m probably going to be last. Hopefully I’ll find it funny.

Thanks to Xterra UK for having faith that this novice triathlete won’t completely embarrass the brand and providing my Vector Pro X3 wetsuit for the season.